The Number, Planes & Ohio

Hello, everyone!
Well, if you're  my friend on Facebook, which you probably are, you might have seen that I have lost 30.2 lbs. to date!  This is a new record weight for me. Of course I've been lower than this before, but not for awhile.  When I saw this number on the scale, I was thrilled for more than the obvious reasons.  This was the weight after I had already eaten a Luna bar, grapes, Veggie Stix, and some water.  This was my weight at 2PM today.  This was my weight after a not so great week of following points.  And yet, it was still lower!  I'm so thankful that my new lifestyle is working now, and I realize that it's just that - a LIFESTYLE.  This is not a fad diet.  I'm not going to lose weight then go back to my old habits.  I have gotten off track countless times since the initial start in January, but each time I get off, I know that I will be back on track before I know it.

The new number?

244.8

In other news, I haven't done Richard at all this week (rather, last week).  Most days my excuse was I didn't want to get up early.  I don't think I'll ever be one to workout in the afternoon, so that wasn't much help, either.  I'm going to try to do it a few more times this week.  When I'm back in Ohio next week, I'm going to help get my mom moving, so we might do some Richard, but we'll also be taking short walks.  But, I am SUPER EXCITED to have been fully inspired by numerous years of Infomercials and finally Elizabeth Simmons.  :)  Once I get paid (because I'm bad at saving money), I will be purchasing Slim In 6, a Beachbody fitness program.  I'm also going to be trying Shakeology.  I don't expect this to be any quick fix radical change, and I also don't know how I'll feel about it. I might end up mixing Slim in 6 with Richard, but we'll see.  I'm hoping that with more of a variety and new workouts, I might be more up for exercising.  Plus, Simmons and I will have the same Beachbody coach, and she seems to be really supportive.  I'm going to join a challenge group (hopefully) in which our coach will be sure to support me each day.  Woot woot!

And planes....Bob left Wednesday night to go to D.C. for a trip.  Now he's in Utah for work.  He gets back in Seattle just a few hours after I leave Seattle for Ohio.  We'll then see each other for about 3 days before he flies back to Seattle again, then I'll follow him 3 days after that.  Crazy, huh?!  We didn't do a good job of planning all of this, but a lot of it was out of our control.  

The closer it gets to my Ohio trip, the more I'm actually starting to dread it.  I've lost 30 pounds.  THIRTY POUNDS!  I used to not even think 5 pounds was a lot until somebody told me to go hold up a 5 pound bag of flour at the grocery store.  Do I ever want that back on my body?  No.  

But do I look any different?  Not at all.  :(  I know it's a lot more difficult to see weight loss changes on people who are heavier, and I know the steroids might have an effect on how I look.  The fact remains that I pretty much look the same.  On top of the weight, my face has been having some weird problems.  I'm going to schedule a trip to the dermatologist for when I get back to Seattle.  I should have schedule one a long time ago, but I thought it would go away.  Here's a preview of my dry, irritated, flaking cheeks right after the shower (and no makeup).    

I always think it looks a bit better after the shower, so this is probably a good picture.  : /  This began on my face a few months ago.  I believe it was largely from stress at school.  

And...what in the world is going on with my hair?!  I remember in college a lot of people liked my hair.  Now, I can't do anything with it!  I got a cut a couple of weeks ago, and I don't know if it's the same or worse.  I hadn't been using any products except hairspray for my blow-dried, curling iron-ed hair.  I'm now using products, but I don't think I like them very much.  Good thing I've just given up on making it look good for work this summer.  However, I really wish I could make it look good for Ohio.  :/  I thought about getting it cut when I get home, but I don't know what I'll do to it.  We'll see.  I wish Desirae could still do my hair.  She new me, my lifestyle, what was realistic, what wasn't, what would look good or bad on me.  Oh, well.  I will continue my search to find someone new!

So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.  I wonder when I do look good some day if I will actually feel like I look good.  I think I will.  I still remember when I thought I was pretty at times.  I hope I can feel that again someday soon, even if it's before any more major weight loss.  Wish me luck, and hopefully my next post will have a new, lower number!

Much love, 

Katie

Espanol

Well, I did day #2!  :)  I skipped working out yesterday.  I think I could have done it, but I wanted a plan for days to work out.  I didn't want to push myself and expect too much right away.  One of my friends noted on Facebook that if I plan to work out 3 days a week, there are probably days I'm going to miss, so I may as well plan for working out every day.  I think that is a valid point.  So, I'm going to attempt for every day now.  I think if I do so many days in a row, I'll probably give myself a break since I'm not fully in the swing of things yet.  I did Sweatin' to the Oldies 1 again today, but I have 2, 3 & 4 also, so I might rotate them.  I don't know if they vary on difficulty or not.  It's great to know that mom is working out to Richard again, and we can talk about it.  When I go home in August, we'll get to do them together!

One sad bit of news is that I forgot to weigh myself this morning!  : /  Sundays are my usual day, so I'm kind of bummed, but by the time I'd remembered, I'd had a big breakfast, drank water, gone to the bathroom and was in the middle of my workout.  Therefore - results not accurate.  Oh, well.  I'll hopefully remember tomorrow morning.

While I don't want to put too much on my plate, I'm thinking it's about time I bust out the Spanish lessons again!  With all of the meetings I have at school and interactions with parents, I've come across quite a few who speak Spanish.  It's definitely more common than it is in Ohio, but I know speaking Spanish would be helpful no matter what.  Bob and I got Rosetta Stone for Spanish about a year ago, and I've only started the beginning lessons.  I'm hoping I can work on them some more this summer.  Yes, I'm teaching ESY, but I don't have meetings and paperwork as much as during the school year.  Therefore, I'm hoping it's doable.  I usually get home around 4:30, so maybe I can do a lesson or two a night before Bob gets home.

OK...time to shower and head up to exchange some clothes at the mall...

Much love!

Richard Simmons

Oh. My. Goodness.  I just exercised.  It has been SO long.  I exercised 2 or 3 times after my surgery, and before that, I did Zumba about 3 times.  Other than that, I think it has been years!  At least months! I just don't even remember!  I bought Richard Simmons DVDs, because so many things have honestly been so hard!  I just did it all!  The whole thing, without stopping!  At some points I thought it was too easy, and at some points I thought it was too hard, but I. Didn't. Stop.

OK...That's all...

...I really hope I keep this up.

Much love

Social Anxiety

...That's what the psychiatrist officially said I have.  It's definitely kicking in today.  First day of my summer vacation that I'm spending alone.  No Bob, no Kyle, no Kelsey.  I thought it would be enjoyable.  By myself, I can't go out into the world.  I can't even open our apartment door.  Bob asked me to go pay rent, and I've been freaking out for about 4 hours now just thinking about having to go to the office.  Some days it gets so bad that I make myself physically sick and end up throwing up.  Now I've just been thinking about what else I'm going to do until I start teaching again in about a week, then I start to freak out about that.  How am i supposed to go to this meeting with all of these other teachers that I don't even know?  And then I'm supposed to teach kids I've never met before, work with other people I've never met?  Oh, goodness...I'm glad it's only 4 weeks.  But after that 4 weeks, what happens?  How am I supposed to face the world?  How am I supposed to do this forever? I have a feeling I should probably still be seeing a psychiatrist.  Problem with that?  I have to go out in public to see one!  ugh!  There is so much anxiety just from going to an appointment...Getting ready, leaving the apartment, actually driving my car, which can bring so many other problems into it, finding a place to park, possibly paying for parking, knowing where to check in, wondering how I look, wondering who is observing me...Typing these all out, it sounds so silly, but they all scare me so much...I just don't want to go anywhere.  At least I haven't gotten physically sick today.  I just can't wait for Bob to get home now...I hope it's soon.  I'm not going to post this one on Facebook, so I doubt anyone will ever see it, but that's ok.  I think sometimes you just need to get the feelings out there.  Wish me luck.

Summer!!! & There's always room for improvement

It is finally summer!  Oh my goodness, it feels so great to not have to worry about going back to the stress that I faced every day at school.  I'll admit, I keep thinking about those things a few times a day, but I'm getting better at pushing them out of my thoughts.  I'll come up with some plan to deal with it when it's closer to the time, and hopefully God will help with that.

I've been thinking of some things to do with my few days of summer.  I quickly went through  my closet and got rid of shoes and clothes that I don't wear in order to donate them.  My anxiety, however, has been so high lately that I'm scared to leave the house without someone I'm close with.  Therefore, I'm going to see if Bob will come with me to make the donations.  I also have some food to donate, so I'm hoping we can go on a donation run tomorrow.

Speaking of anxiety, I'm still kind of disappointed that I haven't been able to make friends out here.  I know that is partially the situation and partially my fault for not being able to overcome my anxiety.  I do have one person who understands me very well, and I'm trying to get closer to her, but with the little things being so overwhelming, it's hard to even meet up with her!  Ugh... :(

Anyway...I'm working on 3 different things right now, and I'd LOVE any input from anyone!

1)  Physical life improvement.  These are material things, such as getting rid of extra clothes and shoes. Bob and I organized some of the kitchen cabinets the other day, too.  Another thing I did a couple of weeks ago was organize my jewelry.  I also plan on cleaning all of my jewelry sometime this summer, too.  Any other thoughts?  I'll probably do the following:

• Clean jewelry
• Organize closet (hang clothes by jeans/bottoms and tops/shirts
• Clean desktop
• Organize desk files

Let me know if there are any other thoughts!

2)  Mental/physical body improvement.  These are things that some people may feel iffy about.  While I don't really think looks are the most important thing, I think there is something to be said for just feeling better if/when I look better.  For example, I probably wore my hair in a ponytail about once a week this year at school.  For some reason, a lot of the teachers complimented it, but I don't think a ponytail looks very good on me, so I'd like to make a point to do my hair more often (at least if I'm going out in public).  I also want to put hair cuts, hair colors, face waxing, etc. on my calendar so I remember to do them every however often they're supposed to be done.  That way I don't look at my hair someday, realize I have a ton of split ends, and then realize I haven't had a haircut in 6 months!  (This has happened!)  So...here's my list so far:

• Scheduled haircuts
• Scheduled hair coloring
• Scheduled facial wax
• Teeth whitening 

3)  Healthy lifestyle.  As always, I am continuing to work on my healthy lifestyle.  While my weight has still had its ups and downs, I am still under 250.  I weigh in again this Sunday, so we'll see how it is then.  I have been kind of down lately about the number, though.  I know I'm doing well, but I also know I could be doing better.  My goal was to weigh 130 by Janet's wedding.  In doing the math, I realize that's no longer a realistic goal.  I SHOULD be happy to just be any skinnier than I am now for her wedding, but I'm realizing that I failed myself on that goal, so it's frustrating.  Also, I was hoping to look so much different for my visit back to Ohio in August, but I don't think it's happening.  I don't think my body will have changed enough to make a difference, and it's just embarrassing to be seen by so many people when if anything, I've probably gained weight since I was back there. :(  Please give me positive thoughts and prayers to help me get over these negative ones.  

Anyway, I'm sticking with Weight Watchers.  Honestly, I don't think Weight Watchers can fail you if you follow it.  For anyone wanting a long term solution, I highly recommend it!  

As far as exercise goes, I'm going to try to start walking just 10 minutes at a time for either 3 or 4 times a week.  I'll do that for a week or so then up it to 15 minutes.  At this point, it seems like a low goal, but realistically, it will probably work my body enough to benefit it.  I kind of want to work some type of weight exercise into that, but I don't know what to do.  I know I probably shouldn't be doing all cardio, but at the same time, I don't want to push myself.  Any thoughts?

Other than that, my summer is pretty much scheduled for me:

• Now - July 9th 
• - SUMMER
• July 9th - August 3rd 
• - Teaching ESY...I'm teaching two sessions, so I'll pretty much have nights and weekends off just like I did during the school year.  Let's hope I have more free time, though, since I won't be having as many (hopefully none!) meetings or IEPs/paperwork.  
• This also includes Bob's and my 1st ANNIVERSARY on July 17th!  :)  We're stirring up ideas now to celebrate, but feel free to throw some out there!
• August 4th - 15th 
• - OHIO!  can't wait to see everyone!
• August 16th - 26th 
• - SUMMER
• August 27th 
• - Teacher work days then school starts again...

So overall, I just have a few weeks of actual unscheduled time, but I'm hoping that works out in my favor.  

I've missed writing in here as much, but I was so stressed that I just didn't have time the last month or two.  I hope I'll get lots of feedback and suggestions on my road of improvement!  Thanks!

Much love!

The Number, The Migraines, and Being Thankful

The Number

This week, I don't even know what my number is.  I haven't been logging my points on Weight Watchers since approximately April 29th.  Why?  I don't know.  I think a part of it is my body catching up with the stress I have been dealing with emotionally.  I was very pleasantly surprised when I continued to lose weight for such a long time, and I think maybe my body was just sick of pushing.  That's so disappointing to me, though.  While I CAN say, "It's my first year teaching, we moved across the country, I don't have friends or family here, etc." I really wanted to beat that and all of the stereotypes.  I've tried a couple of Sundays to get back into the swing of things, but it just hasn't been catching on.  My weaknesses?  Chocolate milk, ruffles, chocolate, nuts, macaroni & cheese.  There are a few other things that have been really odd about this period.  If I eat fast food, my body doesn't like it, yet I still go back.  I've thrown up almost every time after eating fast food in the last couple of weeks.  Nothing has made my body feel good when the bad foods have gotten in my system.  Another thing is that nothing else sounds good to me.  I haven't packed my lunch for the last couple of weeks because nothing at home sounds good.  Then I think I'll stop at Starbucks or a gas station to get something, and nothing else there sounds good, either.  We go to the grocery store and nothing sounds good to buy for lunch packing.  If nothing sounds good, how can I put so much food in my stomach?!  It's crazy!

Speaking of how crazy everything is, I was talking to my lovely friend Jenn, and we were both just frustrated and in shock at how crazy America has gotten.  Look up your BMI.  Are you in the healthy range?  Are you overweight? Obese?  Morbidly obese?  It all sneaks up on us so quickly!  

I feel stupid for putting this out there, but I need to.  I keep having this dream that maybe one day I'll lose all of this weight and become healthy.  Just that - healthy.  I won't become obsessed with nutrition and working out 24/7, but healthy.  I will eat right.  I will eat out a healthy amount.  I will exercise a healthy amount.  And maybe, just maybe, I will be able to help others.  I want to show others that I have come a long way and they can do it, too.  We can lose over 100 pounds.  We can go from barely being able to walk or climb stairs to running and sprinting.  It's just..so.hard.

But that's another reason I'm writing in here.  Not only does it help me and help to put it past me, but maybe someday I will be in a healthy weight range and somebody else can look at me and say "I bet that was so simple"...I can direct them to this post and let them know how ashamed, disappointed, and disgusted with myself I have been for 2 weeks as I binge on unhealthy food and wondering when I'll get back on WW.  



Anyway, as of tonight, I officially have 30 more days of teaching.  That's school days, not including Memorial Day.  My last day of work is June 26th.  How am I surviving?  That's just it...I'm surviving.  I was quite involved in both high school and college.  I had lots of positions, stress, drama, etc.  First year of teaching?  NOT.EVEN.COMPARABLE.  That's all.  Some days are hell and it's all I can do to breath.  Other days I love it and can't get enough of the kids.  Overall, though, I'm hoping next year is easier. 

A migraine is a severe, painful headachethat is often preceded or accompanied by sensory warning signs such as flashes of light, blind spots, tingling in the arms and legs, nausea, vomiting, and increased sensitivity to light and sound. The excruciating pain that migraines bring can last for hours or even days.

What have I been having for weeks now?  Migraines...of course.  I at first thought maybe they were just headaches, but then I got more of the throbbing, light was bothering me, and then the nausea hit.  When that happened, I knew they were more than headaches.  Good news?  I already have a neurologist.  :)  I called for an appointment, and he had a last minute cancellation two weeks ago.  I went in that day.  He prescribed me some preventative over the counter meds 2 x a day and another pill that I take at the onset of migraines and every 2 hours as they persist (but no more than 4 in one day).  The results?  I don't really think they're working.  I know it's only been 2 weeks, but I've already been through 14 pills.  I feel like they were probably supposed to subside by now.  Maybe I'm wrong, though.  One of the most bothersome things is, of course, teaching with a migraine.  I'm sure there are a lot of jobs that are hard to do with a migraine, but working with little kids who don't really understand the pain (at least mine don't) is hard.  The sun, the noise...it's all crazy.  



Anyway, I apologize for those of you who are annoyed that this was so much complaining.  To end my night in a more positive light: Things that I'm grateful for:

• The amazing friends that keep in touch with me even while I'm in Seattle?  Big plus, the friends who make an effort to keep in touch with me besides just me reaching out to them.

• Getting in touch with long lost friends.

• Family members who love me.

• A wonderful, caring, patient husband

• people who believe in me no matter what

• I have a job in the area in which I studied.

• I have a wonderful apartment with beautiful views of mountains, Lake Washington, and the Space Needle (which is kind of ugly for the next 5 months or so because of that stupid galaxy orange decision).

• People who read my blog and leave comments encouraging me.  

The number

It's only been a few day since my last post, and not much has happened.  However, I just have one thing that I need to share...the number is now...

247.4

I am officially under 250 pounds!

AND I INTEND ON NEVER GOING BACK!!!