The strangest feeling & Baring my soul

Of all of my friends who I know read this blog, I don't know if any of you at all will be able to understand what I'm about to tell you.  I very, very rarely get full.  I don't feel full.  I can eat 1/2 a large pizza, 1/2 an order of breadsticks, and a dessert and still probably be able to stuff more food in.  It sucks.  It's part of how I got where I am today, but it's one of the feelings I acknowledge I have to overcome.  Life has been nicer now that Bob knows about this.  He knows that I will eat at a restaurant and need to eat again an hour later.

The time has come though, friends.  I have been full not once, not twice, but THREE times in the last 2 days.  THREE TIMES!  What the heck happened?!  It's absolutely amazing!  The feeling of not wanting, not "NEEDING" to eat.  It's amazing!  Do not take this for granted, my friends!  The amazing, wonderful, source of this fullness?!  SHAKEOLOGY!  I have loyally been having 1 shake a day, partly because I wanted to stick with it, partly because I already have about 2 months of shake already bought, and partly because I haven't even tried Chocolate yet.  Example 1 of being full (easily one of the top 10 moments of my life).  I was eating lunch today.  In case you're interested, I'm going to tell you about my sandwich, because it was amazing.  I don't remember the last time I had a sandwich on regular bread.  Sandwich thins all the way!  I'm a carb girl, but if it's not good bread, then sandwich thins are the boss.  So I took those sandwich thins and spread a little bit of laughing cow spreadable cheese on each bun (the flavor was Sundried tomato & basil in case you're interested).  I then put some turkey on it and some Fakon.  If you haven't tried Fakon, I love it.  It's microwaveable bacon that's not that high in points.  (Keep in mind I'm obviously still not eating the healthiest of meals that I strive for someday).  But I ate this sandwich and a handful of grapes.  I realized I had about 10 minutes left in lunch and I should eat something else.  I looked in my lunch for what I should eat next, and it hit me (this was the 3rd sensation in 2 days).  I was full again!  I didnt want any more food.  The thought of putting more food in my mouth made my stomach hurt.  It was amazing!  I wanted to dance to my next class! (But my ass still hurt from the workout this morning, so I couldn't dance up the stairs). So, my friends.  I'm not the biggest person on trying to sell things.  If I don't like it, I don't like it.  But for me to be full means that they must be doing SOMETHING right!

Anyway...I thought it was hard enough to reveal my actual weight on here, but now that that's over, it really wasn't that bad.  No, nobody came up to me on the street yelling out the horrifying number and ran away laughing.  So, I've survived.  In starting Slim in 6 and Shakeology, along with a challenge group from my wonderful Beachbody coach, Kayla, it's come time that I finally measure myself again.

Measuring...oh, how I loathe thee.  It's not so much that the inches bother me.  I mean, obviously they do, but the scale bothers me more.  It's because I could measure myself and then do it again 10 seconds later and have a completely different measurement.  I need to get tattoos of where the measurements were taken.  It's just kinda ridiculous, so even if it says I've lost inches, I never know whether to believe myself or not.  The simplest ways I've found to do this are to 1)  Have someone else (Bob) measure me.  2)  Measure without clothes (hence Bob measuring me).  Also, I measure the waist right over my fake, surgically operated into place belly button.  That at least helps the waist measurement.  He says he remembers the rest, but we'll see how that turns out in ~30 days.

Anyway...baring my soul.  For ...well, I don't really know the exact reason I'm putting these numbers on here.  I guess it makes it a lot easier to talk about things and get them in the open.  So...
Chest - 51.5"  (honestly, I'm OK with that one...I'll take 50 inches of boob any day.  Just kidding.  Take away the back fat, please).
Waist - 52"
Hips - 53"
R Upper thigh - 29"
L Upper thigh - 28.5"
R Arm - 15"
L Arm - 14.5"

Grand total - 243.5"  Awesome.  Bright side?  The only way (hopefully) is down.

So, if you're laughing, that's OK. If your jaw dropped, that's OK.  I'm glad it's in your own home and not in public in front of me. :)

If you're telling me I can do it...openly or secretly cheering me on, praying for me, wishing and hoping that I can do it, that's OK too.  I believe I can do it.  I've gotten off track since I officially decided to change my life in January, but I've never once given up and said that I just couldn't do it.  I may not be my goal weight for my friends wedding, but I will be healthier, and eventually I WILL be happy with this body that God has given me!

Much Love!

The Number, The Plan & The New Look

Well I think I'm finally getting all settled into the new place.  We still have a few boxes that need unpacked - mostly in the office.  The kitchen is all set up, as are the gaming systems in the living room, so hopefully my exercise and eating routines will be back to normal.  :)

I started doing Slim in 6 yesterday, and I feel amazing!  I did it yesterday and today right after I woke up, which is definitely a good idea for me.  If I hold off on it, I just have it looming the whole day.  There are definitely a few parts that are still challenging for me (i.e. push ups!!), but most of it pushes me just the right amount!  I have interesting flashbacks each time I try to do push ups as one of the first symptoms I had of MG was falling on my face/chest when doing push ups.  Man, did that hurt!  Rug burn on your chest is not very comfortable!





I do, however, looovvveee the resistance bands.  I could definitely do those for a long time!

I drank my first Shakeology on Friday, and I wasn't that thrilled.  I mixed water, ice & Shakeology and didn't like it much at all.  I had my second one yesterday, and I put  milk in instead of water and added a banana.  That was definitely an improvement.  I stopped at the store today and got almond milk and honey, so I'm going to try to mix things up a little more.  Wish me luck with that!

And finally, I weighed myself Thursday night.  I knew it was night, I'd eaten, and it would not be an accurate weight.  I did this on purpose so I could be forewarned if my weight had taken a turn for the worse.  However, I was still definitely under 250!  This was sooo reassuring!  My official Sunday weigh-in for today was 254.1!  Woot woot!  I'm definitely OK with that considering how unhealthy my diet was the past couple of weeks.  So here's to getting back on track!

Last, but not least, I went to a great hairdresser today - Darren from Jekyll & Hyde Salon.  O.M.G.  In love!  He's amazing and I'm totally happy with the results!  Here's a view of the newest cut & color!

Roadblock

Wow!  I don't even remember the last time I wrote in here!  That's sad! :(  A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks.  To sum it all up, I got a job interview while I was visiting Ohio, got offered the job the same day, and will not be going back to Seattle!  I cancelled my flight back, and Bob will finally be arriving in Ohio tomorrow to keep me company in our wonderful new apartment.  It's been about 2 weeks since we've seen each other (a friend's wedding), and over a month since we've lived together.  I realize now how much I took for granted just with being around him, hugging and kissing him goodbye each day, and having his body next to mine at night.  I can't wait to give him a huge hug and just hold him for a bit!  

While things have been so up in the air, I have been doing an absolutely horrible job with watching what I eat.  I just checked my Weight Watchers online, and I haven't logged a weigh-in in 5 weeks.  I have no clue how much I weigh since our scale is currently in transit to Ohio.  I fear that I will be back over 250 lbs., and I'm wondering if I should wait a little bit to weigh myself again so I don't get discouraged.  Curiosity will get the best of me, I think.  

Anyway, while I am not happy with myself for going off of my plan so badly, I am proud of myself for realizing that this is just a road block.  I've had them before, and I will have them again.  This IS a lifestyle change, but that also means it will take a lot of work to make permanent changes!  I spent a good amount of time tonight creating a grocery list for tomorrow to get me through the week.  My meals won't be that exciting this week, but hopefully I will make it through until next week  I don't have a  casserole dish, no tupperware for leftovers (only bags), no spices, none of my regular cooking items (flour, spices, bread crumbs, etc), as they are in transit as well.  I really don't want to buy more ingredients that might not be used quickly, so I'm going with some easier recipes this week.  

With school already being in session, I've already had to pack some lunches, and I'm doing my best to find some interesting ones.  I currently do not have much time to microwave lunches.  I will soon hopefully have a fridge and microwave in my room at school.  Until then, I've been doing a lot of tuna in bread pouches.  It's been delish, but I fear I'll get sick of the same thing over and over.  I'm getting ingredients for sandwiches this week such as spreadable laughing cow cheese, lettuce, bacon (FAKEon) and deli meat.  I'm hoping that will be enough to spice things up.  I've also been eating cinnamon applesauce (yum!) and yogurt for lunch.  I've been getting the greek yogurt that has M&Ms or Reeses Pieces to sprinkle in, but I have no clue how many points those are.  I might switch to something else tomorrow, but first I'll see if the candy yogurts are worth the points.  

Lunches are a different story since I'm at school...dinners haven't really been satisfying me, which has led me to want to get pre-made meals or eat out.  Not good for my belly OR my budget!  : /   My current shopping list is very much lacking anything for the dinner department except for frozen dinners, which hardly fill me up.  I do have a lot of healthy snack ideas, such as fruits and vegetables.  At the same time, those are all of the same fruits and vegetables I always eat...I'm running out of ideas!  

I believe this will be one of my biggest issues of this lifestyle changes - While I love having good staples (i.e. taco casserole!!), I routinely need new recipes to try out and mix in.  Pinterest has been absolutely amazing thus far, but I'm not finding new ideas nearly as much as I was before.  

On other news in this category, I ordered Slim in 6 and Shakeology quite a few weeks ago.  They were delivered to Seattle and are now in transit to Ohio.  I absolutely CANNOT wait until I finally get to try them out.  I especially think Shakeology will help me out as I currently usually have an unsatisfying granola bar for breakfast just because I know I need to have some type of breakfast.  

I also am trying to make sure I get plenty of fluids in.  Considering how much I've been going to the restroom lately, I know I've been doing well at this.  I've been drinking a lot of sparkling water and Crystal light.  I'm still in search of the perfect battle - keeps my drink cold, doesn't leak, and has measurements to help me track how much I drink, and is a good size for mixing Crystal Light single serves.  

Sooo...if anyone has any suggestions at all, they would be extremely appreciated!!!  Here's to getting back on track!!

Much Love!

The Number, Planes & Ohio

Hello, everyone!
Well, if you're  my friend on Facebook, which you probably are, you might have seen that I have lost 30.2 lbs. to date!  This is a new record weight for me. Of course I've been lower than this before, but not for awhile.  When I saw this number on the scale, I was thrilled for more than the obvious reasons.  This was the weight after I had already eaten a Luna bar, grapes, Veggie Stix, and some water.  This was my weight at 2PM today.  This was my weight after a not so great week of following points.  And yet, it was still lower!  I'm so thankful that my new lifestyle is working now, and I realize that it's just that - a LIFESTYLE.  This is not a fad diet.  I'm not going to lose weight then go back to my old habits.  I have gotten off track countless times since the initial start in January, but each time I get off, I know that I will be back on track before I know it.

The new number?

244.8

In other news, I haven't done Richard at all this week (rather, last week).  Most days my excuse was I didn't want to get up early.  I don't think I'll ever be one to workout in the afternoon, so that wasn't much help, either.  I'm going to try to do it a few more times this week.  When I'm back in Ohio next week, I'm going to help get my mom moving, so we might do some Richard, but we'll also be taking short walks.  But, I am SUPER EXCITED to have been fully inspired by numerous years of Infomercials and finally Elizabeth Simmons.  :)  Once I get paid (because I'm bad at saving money), I will be purchasing Slim In 6, a Beachbody fitness program.  I'm also going to be trying Shakeology.  I don't expect this to be any quick fix radical change, and I also don't know how I'll feel about it. I might end up mixing Slim in 6 with Richard, but we'll see.  I'm hoping that with more of a variety and new workouts, I might be more up for exercising.  Plus, Simmons and I will have the same Beachbody coach, and she seems to be really supportive.  I'm going to join a challenge group (hopefully) in which our coach will be sure to support me each day.  Woot woot!

And planes....Bob left Wednesday night to go to D.C. for a trip.  Now he's in Utah for work.  He gets back in Seattle just a few hours after I leave Seattle for Ohio.  We'll then see each other for about 3 days before he flies back to Seattle again, then I'll follow him 3 days after that.  Crazy, huh?!  We didn't do a good job of planning all of this, but a lot of it was out of our control.  

The closer it gets to my Ohio trip, the more I'm actually starting to dread it.  I've lost 30 pounds.  THIRTY POUNDS!  I used to not even think 5 pounds was a lot until somebody told me to go hold up a 5 pound bag of flour at the grocery store.  Do I ever want that back on my body?  No.  

But do I look any different?  Not at all.  :(  I know it's a lot more difficult to see weight loss changes on people who are heavier, and I know the steroids might have an effect on how I look.  The fact remains that I pretty much look the same.  On top of the weight, my face has been having some weird problems.  I'm going to schedule a trip to the dermatologist for when I get back to Seattle.  I should have schedule one a long time ago, but I thought it would go away.  Here's a preview of my dry, irritated, flaking cheeks right after the shower (and no makeup).    

I always think it looks a bit better after the shower, so this is probably a good picture.  : /  This began on my face a few months ago.  I believe it was largely from stress at school.  

And...what in the world is going on with my hair?!  I remember in college a lot of people liked my hair.  Now, I can't do anything with it!  I got a cut a couple of weeks ago, and I don't know if it's the same or worse.  I hadn't been using any products except hairspray for my blow-dried, curling iron-ed hair.  I'm now using products, but I don't think I like them very much.  Good thing I've just given up on making it look good for work this summer.  However, I really wish I could make it look good for Ohio.  :/  I thought about getting it cut when I get home, but I don't know what I'll do to it.  We'll see.  I wish Desirae could still do my hair.  She new me, my lifestyle, what was realistic, what wasn't, what would look good or bad on me.  Oh, well.  I will continue my search to find someone new!

So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.  I wonder when I do look good some day if I will actually feel like I look good.  I think I will.  I still remember when I thought I was pretty at times.  I hope I can feel that again someday soon, even if it's before any more major weight loss.  Wish me luck, and hopefully my next post will have a new, lower number!

Much love, 

Katie

Espanol

Well, I did day #2!  :)  I skipped working out yesterday.  I think I could have done it, but I wanted a plan for days to work out.  I didn't want to push myself and expect too much right away.  One of my friends noted on Facebook that if I plan to work out 3 days a week, there are probably days I'm going to miss, so I may as well plan for working out every day.  I think that is a valid point.  So, I'm going to attempt for every day now.  I think if I do so many days in a row, I'll probably give myself a break since I'm not fully in the swing of things yet.  I did Sweatin' to the Oldies 1 again today, but I have 2, 3 & 4 also, so I might rotate them.  I don't know if they vary on difficulty or not.  It's great to know that mom is working out to Richard again, and we can talk about it.  When I go home in August, we'll get to do them together!

One sad bit of news is that I forgot to weigh myself this morning!  : /  Sundays are my usual day, so I'm kind of bummed, but by the time I'd remembered, I'd had a big breakfast, drank water, gone to the bathroom and was in the middle of my workout.  Therefore - results not accurate.  Oh, well.  I'll hopefully remember tomorrow morning.

While I don't want to put too much on my plate, I'm thinking it's about time I bust out the Spanish lessons again!  With all of the meetings I have at school and interactions with parents, I've come across quite a few who speak Spanish.  It's definitely more common than it is in Ohio, but I know speaking Spanish would be helpful no matter what.  Bob and I got Rosetta Stone for Spanish about a year ago, and I've only started the beginning lessons.  I'm hoping I can work on them some more this summer.  Yes, I'm teaching ESY, but I don't have meetings and paperwork as much as during the school year.  Therefore, I'm hoping it's doable.  I usually get home around 4:30, so maybe I can do a lesson or two a night before Bob gets home.

OK...time to shower and head up to exchange some clothes at the mall...

Much love!

Richard Simmons

Oh. My. Goodness.  I just exercised.  It has been SO long.  I exercised 2 or 3 times after my surgery, and before that, I did Zumba about 3 times.  Other than that, I think it has been years!  At least months! I just don't even remember!  I bought Richard Simmons DVDs, because so many things have honestly been so hard!  I just did it all!  The whole thing, without stopping!  At some points I thought it was too easy, and at some points I thought it was too hard, but I. Didn't. Stop.

OK...That's all...

...I really hope I keep this up.

Much love

Social Anxiety

...That's what the psychiatrist officially said I have.  It's definitely kicking in today.  First day of my summer vacation that I'm spending alone.  No Bob, no Kyle, no Kelsey.  I thought it would be enjoyable.  By myself, I can't go out into the world.  I can't even open our apartment door.  Bob asked me to go pay rent, and I've been freaking out for about 4 hours now just thinking about having to go to the office.  Some days it gets so bad that I make myself physically sick and end up throwing up.  Now I've just been thinking about what else I'm going to do until I start teaching again in about a week, then I start to freak out about that.  How am i supposed to go to this meeting with all of these other teachers that I don't even know?  And then I'm supposed to teach kids I've never met before, work with other people I've never met?  Oh, goodness...I'm glad it's only 4 weeks.  But after that 4 weeks, what happens?  How am I supposed to face the world?  How am I supposed to do this forever? I have a feeling I should probably still be seeing a psychiatrist.  Problem with that?  I have to go out in public to see one!  ugh!  There is so much anxiety just from going to an appointment...Getting ready, leaving the apartment, actually driving my car, which can bring so many other problems into it, finding a place to park, possibly paying for parking, knowing where to check in, wondering how I look, wondering who is observing me...Typing these all out, it sounds so silly, but they all scare me so much...I just don't want to go anywhere.  At least I haven't gotten physically sick today.  I just can't wait for Bob to get home now...I hope it's soon.  I'm not going to post this one on Facebook, so I doubt anyone will ever see it, but that's ok.  I think sometimes you just need to get the feelings out there.  Wish me luck.