A New Year

Current Number: 235

I've spent the last week or so reflecting on 2012, as I'm sure a lot of you have done.   A large portion of the reflecting has been based on my weight/weight loss, as much of 2012 was spent.  When I say this, it might seem like I'm dreading it, or thinking about all that I still have to lose.  I'm proud to say that I have actually been quite positive in my thinking.  I've lost 40 pounds in 2012!  That's amazing!  I think back to how many lapses I've had...even a month or so at a time, and I still lost 40 pounds!  That makes me feel so empowered to do EVEN BETTER in 2013.  I don't know if anyone else does this, but I often find myself calculating just how long it will take me to lose the weight I need to lose to get to my goal weight.  This is the first year I can realistically find myself at my goal weight in 365 days.  That, my friends, is amazing!  Speaking of goal weight, I have a few different goal weights.  My overall goal weight is 130 pounds.  Being overweight pretty much all of my life, I don't know how realistic this is.  Maybe I'll get to 150 and be happy with how I look.  Maybe I'll notice I can go much lower than 130.  Another goal weight is 140 pounds.  This is the weight I need to be (approximately) to be within a healthy BMI.

And last, but not least, are 2 goal "areas".  The first is to be able to comfortably fit into any size 18 jean.  Some of you might already know why I say this.  Size 18 is often the largest size that stores will carry.  I used to buy a lot of jeans at American Eagle, but they're not a plus size store, so I'm not able to shop there anymore.  And the last goal area is to fit into a size 12-15 comfortably.  The point of this goal is to be able to buy clothes in most stores as a lot of stores that aren't plus size that DO offer sizes up to 18 often require that you go online to buy the bigger sizes.  This time of year in 2012 has found me resting somewhere between a size 18 and 22 jean.  The highest I ever had, this time last year, was a size 28.

So a lot of this might have been a little boring to read (sorry!), but what I've been discussing brings me to another point of my reflecting.  I've noticed 1 major thing in particular that has changed with my weight loss this year, and I couldn't think of many others, although I'm sure there are a lot!  I wanted to document what has become easier for me in everyday life, and what I'm excited for becoming easier.  So, here it goes!

Things that became easier in 2012:

I'll never have to ask for a seatbelt extender on an airplane again!  (This was a big one!)
I can walk further/easier than before (with the exception of the Myasthenia Gravis on occasion).
Giving up all bread before meals. (Since somewhere around October 2012!)
Giving up coffee. (Since January 2012!)
Giving up pop. (Since January 2012!)


Things that I'm looking forward to in 2013 and beyond:
Finding MY exercise (I still haven't found anything that is perfect for me).
Perhaps running someday.
Seeing my muscles develop again!
Buying clothes in a store that doesn't cater to the plus size crowd.
Finding another area to give up (such as bread, coffee or pop).  Please comment with suggestions if you have them!  :)


So this has been somewhat of a rambling, but I've been off and on planes and in 3 different time zones in the last 24 hours, so please forgive me.  :)

Much Love!

Christmas, 2012, The Number & Exercise

Christmas, 2012, The Number & Exercise

It's been quite a long time since I've written in here - a little over 2 months.  Wow!  I've been fighting some demons from within quite frequently lately, and it hasn't been very fun.  Therefore, I haven't had much of a desire to blog.  Tonight, I think I'm up for it...So what's been going on...

Christmas (in Ohio!) is coming!
I've been super excited for our first Christmas back in Ohio!  Bob and I ended up decorating for Christmas on Thanksgiving day since our Thanksgiving plans were a little turned around.  We actually get a tree skirt and a star for the tree this year, so that felt a little more complete.

Unfortunately, we're tight on money, so we don't have many other decorations besides a wreath.  I'd love to get some lit up garland for outside next year.  We have one garland right now, but it only reaches about 1/3 of the banister.  However, decorations are not that important in the long run.  :)  We have many gifts wrapped under the tree all ready to go to their owners.  I admit that I do have a bit of a problem in I usually like to buy the hubby tons of gifts, so he's lucky there are only 4 (I think) gifts wrapped for him this year!  We still have some gifts to buy and wrap for family and other friends, and I'm very excited to do that!

2012
The year has brought three different jobs for me and life in two different states.  It has been quite crazy, but I wouldn't trade being back in Ohio for anything (OK, it'd be nice if Bob was 100% happy with being back in Ohio right now).  I'm grateful that I have a job, no matter how much stress I receive from day to day, at least I am bringing in money and able to live  with a roof over my head.  It's been a big year for many people!  I saw this video today that a friend shared on Facebook.  One part in particular had me in full on tears:

http://news.yahoo.com/year-in-review-2012-video-inspiring-astounding-moments-042418776.html
 

New Year's Resolutions
Although it's not quite 2013, my brain has been on the path to be working toward new resolutions.  Last January, I gave up pop/soda and coffee.  I have done extremely well with these goals!  The only time I've had any is when I've had mixed alcoholic drinks that may have had pop/soda in them.  I try to avoid it still in mixed drinks, but I will make exceptions from time to time.  Any suggestions for new resolutions?  Of course I'm always working on weight loss, but I want to work on something a little separate from that.  I'm open to ideas!  Comment and leave me some!

The Number

As just mentioned, I'm always working on weight loss.  I think I definitely could have lost more weight this year, but I am also proud of how much I have lost.  Losing the weight slowly, they say, means that I'm more likely to keep it off.  That said, I have lost (to date) ~40 pounds this year!  I still have a few more weeks left, and I'm hoping to make it around 45 for the year of 2012.  I'm sure that at the rate I'm eating clementines (4 each day currently), I'll keep filling up pretty quickly!  The above picture is from February 22nd, 2012, which is just after the start of my weight loss journey.  It's a little inspirational as I can see a little bit of a difference compared to a newer picture from  September 16th 2012.  So in case you haven't read before or can't do the math for some other reason, the newest number is right around

235 pounds

Woohoo!  I'm at a mixture of emotions.  When  I compare that number to the starting point, I am SO PROUD!  But when I just look at it without comparison, I'm so embarrassed at how I've let myself get this fat. ugly. disgusting. (OK...stay semi-positive) overweight.  Anyway, my hope is to lose 50 pounds in the year 2013.  It's hard thinking that, because I was hoping to be at that weight at the end of this year, but I was setting my hopes a little too high back in January 2012, I guess.  Hubby said he will join me in following the Weight Watchers plan in January, so we'll see if that has any impact on how I do on my weight loss.  

Exercise
I'm definitely doing well with following Weight Watchers, and I'm even really enjoying following the plan, trying new healthy foods and experimenting with recipes.  Apparently there's another aspect to this weight loss thing called exercise?!  Who ever decided to include this?!  So all you freaks. lunatics. crazy people.  people I'll just admit I'm jealous of, share your secret.  Give me your favorites or what you think might work for me.  I'd LOVE to hear it!  :)

So let me know all your thoughts on Resolutions and Exercise and anything else that's on your mind!
Much Love!
Katie

10 Things You (Probably) Don't Know About Me

Credit for this idea? - Haley. :) Thanks, friend!

http://haleyhite.tumblr.com/post/30467459395/10-things-you-probably-dont-know-about-me 

1)  I often consider what it would be like in different careers.  This may sound pretty normal for a lot of people.  Sometimes I think it'd be fun to do something else like psychiatry or counseling.  I often think about being a nutritionist, but I have to take my own advice first.  I think it'd be fun to open a restaurant, too.  :)

2)  I am completely awful at video games.  I'm awful in numerous ways.  I cannot for the life of me figure out Lego video games.  I'm just so horrible at them.  They hubby refuses to play with me anymore.  When I play games like 007 and sometimes even Mario, I freak out about dying and scream, cover my eyes and my palms start sweating.  Crazy...but I still like it!

3)  I have a scar on my left butt cheek.  When I was younger, I climbed onto the counter to get a bowl from the cupboard.  Upon attempting to get down, I slipped and the cabinet handle that runs vertically nailed me in the bum. OUCH!  Worst part, my Little Mermaid underwear was ruined!

4)  I'm scared I won't be able to have kids one day.  It's a huge dream of mine (like many other people) to have kids one day.  A couple of years ago, I had a huge ovarian cyst removed.  It was laying across all of my stomach organs (PLEASE ask to see the picture.  It's so amazing, but kind of too graphic to just put on here).  Anyway, it was large enough that they had to remove 1 ovary.  I recently found another hard spot on my stomach, and I'm scared something else is wrong and they'll have to remove the other ovary.  Of course, there are countless other things that could go wrong, but it's just kind of scary to think about.

5)  I have a slight obsession with my Build A Bears.  Four years ago I got my first Build A Bear, Harvard, and I have been obsessed with him and Lafayette (who followed 2 months later).  They have tons of clothes, sleep with me every night, and it gets worse.  Anyway, they started helping me with my anxiety issues and kind of talking me through things, so they've definitely earned their place.  That's just how it is.  :)

6)  Water is extremely calming to me.  This also stems from my anxiety issues.  I was on the swim team in high school, and I believe my calmness came from swimming.  We used to do 1/2 hour swims a lot where we just tried to swim as many laps as possible in 30 minutes.  A lot of swimmers hated this.  Although I was a sprinter, these 30 minute swims were a calming reflection time to me.  When my anxiety got really bad, I realized that swimming still calmed me.  Since that wasn't always possible, I discovered that long showers also helped along with carrying a bottle of water with me everywhere just in case.  Win.  I also love rain and thunderstorms, but that could just be because they're so beautiful! (When not harmful).

7)  I love popcorn!  I get super excited about popcorn at the movies, baseball games, and anything in between.  I love popping it at home, and I pretty much consider it a food group.  

8)  I love traveling.  This one isn't as exciting, because I know a lot of people enjoy it.  While I would love to travel to different countries, I focus more on doable trips within closer distances.  These are more budget friendly at the time, so I actually get to complete them.  It was great living in Seattle, and I wish we would have had more time and money to visit places, but we will someday!  I love hotels alone, besides all the germs.  I love the experience and excitement of a new place, wherever it is.  Hocking Hills is next on the travel list, I believe.

9)  I hate family get togethers.  I love my family, and I love visiting with them, but not altogether.  For 1 side of the family, that can just lead to a ton of people in a few tiny rooms...Crazy anxiety...everyone yelling so loudly...it just gets too crazy.  The other aspect is that I feel sooo incompatible with all of my family members.  Everyone has a 1 (or 100) up on me whether it is looks, career, personality, or all of the above.  I feel like I don't have much to offer to the group, so I get very intimidated.

10)  I support Barack Obama.  Did I vote for him? No.  Will I vote for him this time?  (I'll keep you guessing on that one).  Is he our President?  YES.  Does that mean that he deserves our respect 100% from the day he steps into office?  YES.  I firmly believe that no matter who you vote for, you should always respect our President.  

Well, hopefully that was a little entertaining for you.  I'd love to see more people post things I don't know about you!!

This isn't easy.

Well it's been a rough 24 hours, but after finally talking to my mother, I feel strong enough to write about it.
Yesterday after work, Bob and I went to Ruby Tuesday.  I was really good and got salmon, broccoli and the salad bar (and did well on the tricky salad bar).  On the way home, Bob wanted to get some snack food for the night, so I also got some chips...and ate half the bag last night.  Fail.  I had the rest today.  I also had Panda Express for lunch and Marco's Pizza for dinner.  Obviously...not doing too great on that.
The thing is, it's not like I was insanely craving this food.  This eating, from the last 24 hours, was totally from emotion.  Bob says I often eat out of boredom, and that I don't usually see.  This time, I knew I was eating because I was sad and upset and frustrated.
It's a never ending circle.  I worked really hard this week and didn't miss a workout, but I had actually gained at least a pound as of my unofficial weigh-in.  When I have a bad weight, I just do worse.  The good ones spur me on.  I'm not letting this get the best of me, and I will turn it around right now...just have to get it all out there and admit it so I can move on.

The good news?
-I realize the eating was from being upset and sad.  It's not that I couldn't handle a craving.
-I started a workout today and did 20 minutes of it (before getting so upset that I stopped).  The point is, I worked out today.
-My bad eating has lasted 24 hours or less.  I've done A LOT worse.
-I have lots of healthy recipes to try out next week.

So here's to the failures that make me stronger and to having 2nd (or 324092nd) chances.

Haunting

It hasn't been too great of a day.  I woke up with a killer migraine..the kind that makes my head bob back and forth from the pain pulsing.  I decided a workout was out of the question as I couldn't move much, so I took medicine and went back to sleep for about 30 minutes.  The shower didn't help much, but off I went to work.  I took a half day off and came home, only stopping to get some soup, medicine and redbox picks.  My migraine is wearing off, but on comes that ridiculously haunting anxiety for some reason.  Why today?  What am I worried about?  I've been thinking about my job a lot lately.  Is it what I still want to do?  Who knows.  Who knows what I really want to do in life.  Is this it?  I don't know.  Is it better than having no job?  Yes.  I still feel fat.  Some days I think I feel skinnier...I think I look skinnier.  I wonder if I'll feel fat when I'm actually skinny.  If I hit my goal weight, will I still see the huge balloon when I look in the mirror?  I want to lay in the shower. I'm scared I can't handle that right now...the temptation.  Maybe with some help I can...maybe.  I need to workout.  I'll do that soon.  Maybe that will make me feel better.  I know it's supposed to.  This feeling sucks.  I'm an adult now, I'm supposed to be over this.  I think I need to see a doctor again.  I don't even like how the doctors deal with it.  They don't care...they don't care about me personally.  I think the husband cares, but he's probably so sick of dealing with it, too...just like he's sick of dealing with a lot of things I have going on.  hopefully happier thoughts later.

The Number & The New Rule

I lost 5.4 pounds this week.  Oh.My.Gosh.  I did not expect this at all!  I am on such a high right now!  I had to wake up Bob and share the news because...THIS IS HUGE!  I'm so incredibly proud of myself and the choices I made!  This is how the rest of my life is going to be!  Highlights of the week:

Saturday - did my first Slim in 6 and drank  my first Shakeology, because I was just too excited to try them.

Sunday - excitedly woke up to do Slim in 6 and drink Shakeology again

Monday - Had my first experience in FOREVER of waking up before work to work out.  Made the rest of my day go great. ALSO become full with the help of Shakeology...(Thank you for getting me through the day!)  Went out to dinner with Bob at an Italian restaurant...ordered fish and had some wine

Thursday - Long day at school because of volleyball practice afterward.  Still thankful for Shakeology

Friday - Went out to eat with Bob at Cheesecake Factory and implemented my no bread/no dessert rule for the first time

Saturday - Had one of the best times I've had all year with Jami, Jenn, Bob and a little bit of alcohol...I was worried this was going to push me over the edge with points, but I did pretty well.

Sunday - Weighed in at...

239.7 

Honestly, I thought I was easing myself into this!  I went out to eat twice (not including the 2 Subway visits), but I made smart choices, drank my Shakeology, and did my workouts!  Wow!  Amazing!

On another note - my no bread/no dessert rule.  As you know, I've cut pop and coffee out of my diet.  Occasionally I have pop when it's mixed with a drink at a restaurant, but generally I don't.  I want to keep pushing myself with new rules like this, but I can't stand having them too broad, like "no sweets".  Maybe that will happen someday, but that can include so many things that it's not clear enough for me.  

So, I decided that I won't eat the bread served before a meal OR any dessert when I go out to eat at a restaurant.  First trial - Cheesecake Factory.  I did so well with this rule!  The bread smelled divine, but Bob and I did a good job about talking about other things.  We had the waiter take the menus away and told him right away that we weren't going to be ordering dessert.  

I think it helped that I didn't question it.  I just knew going in that I wouldn't be eating bread or dessert.  Woot woot! 

Well I have to get going on my Sunday chores - cleaning up the apartment, laundry, etc. and enjoying my Slim in 6 and Shakeology!  

Thanks so much to all of you who read this, let me know you read it, comment, encourage me, etc.  It truly helps me each and every day! 

Much Love!

Falling in Love

Yep...I'm definitely falling in love with Shakeology.  Slim in 6?  It's becoming a good friend.  :)

Seriously.  I added 3 ice cubes to my Shakeology this morning, and it got EVEN BETTER!  Three ice cubes?!  Who would've thought it would make such a difference?!  The consistency changed so much for the better.  I got watermelon, pineapple, blueberries, blackberries & raspberries to try in it, too!  Woot woot!  I'm so pumped!  I was fully AGAIN today, which I believe is obviously an effect of the Shakeology.  <3

I did Slim in 6 this morning again, which makes 5 days in a row!  I'm so proud of myself!  It's a huge accomplishment for me!  The waking up early definitely isn't fun, especially on Wednesdays as I have an earlier meeting at work, so I have to wake up at 5:15.  :(  It's well worth it, though!  I keep flexing my muscles and making Bob feel them.  :)

While I realize I'm not supposed to weigh myself too often, I couldn't help myself.  I wanted to weigh myself tonight, and I decided I'd go ahead and do it, and if I hadn't lost weight, I'd be OK with it since I had a full outfit on, I'd eaten a lot, etc.  Well I lost 1 pound already!  That's with the water weight, food weight (or whatever), AND clothes!  I just can't believe how low "The Number" has gotten!!  I've gone from 275 pounds to (as of tonight) 244!!

I'm getting there, slowly but surely.  And quite honestly, if it wasn't slowly, it wouldn't be for good!