This week, I don't even know what my number is. I haven't been logging my points on Weight Watchers since approximately April 29th. Why? I don't know. I think a part of it is my body catching up with the stress I have been dealing with emotionally. I was very pleasantly surprised when I continued to lose weight for such a long time, and I think maybe my body was just sick of pushing. That's so disappointing to me, though. While I CAN say, "It's my first year teaching, we moved across the country, I don't have friends or family here, etc." I really wanted to beat that and all of the stereotypes. I've tried a couple of Sundays to get back into the swing of things, but it just hasn't been catching on. My weaknesses? Chocolate milk, ruffles, chocolate, nuts, macaroni & cheese. There are a few other things that have been really odd about this period. If I eat fast food, my body doesn't like it, yet I still go back. I've thrown up almost every time after eating fast food in the last couple of weeks. Nothing has made my body feel good when the bad foods have gotten in my system. Another thing is that nothing else sounds good to me. I haven't packed my lunch for the last couple of weeks because nothing at home sounds good. Then I think I'll stop at Starbucks or a gas station to get something, and nothing else there sounds good, either. We go to the grocery store and nothing sounds good to buy for lunch packing. If nothing sounds good, how can I put so much food in my stomach?! It's crazy!
Speaking of how crazy everything is, I was talking to my lovely friend Jenn, and we were both just frustrated and in shock at how crazy America has gotten. Look up your BMI. Are you in the healthy range? Are you overweight? Obese? Morbidly obese? It all sneaks up on us so quickly!
I feel stupid for putting this out there, but I need to. I keep having this dream that maybe one day I'll lose all of this weight and become healthy. Just that - healthy. I won't become obsessed with nutrition and working out 24/7, but healthy. I will eat right. I will eat out a healthy amount. I will exercise a healthy amount. And maybe, just maybe, I will be able to help others. I want to show others that I have come a long way and they can do it, too. We can lose over 100 pounds. We can go from barely being able to walk or climb stairs to running and sprinting. It's just..so.hard.
But that's another reason I'm writing in here. Not only does it help me and help to put it past me, but maybe someday I will be in a healthy weight range and somebody else can look at me and say "I bet that was so simple"...I can direct them to this post and let them know how ashamed, disappointed, and disgusted with myself I have been for 2 weeks as I binge on unhealthy food and wondering when I'll get back on WW.
Anyway, as of tonight, I officially have 30 more days of teaching. That's school days, not including Memorial Day. My last day of work is June 26th. How am I surviving? That's just it...I'm surviving. I was quite involved in both high school and college. I had lots of positions, stress, drama, etc. First year of teaching? NOT.EVEN.COMPARABLE. That's all. Some days are hell and it's all I can do to breath. Other days I love it and can't get enough of the kids. Overall, though, I'm hoping next year is easier.
A migraine is a severe, painful headachethat is often preceded or accompanied by sensory warning signs such as flashes of light, blind spots, tingling in the arms and legs, nausea, vomiting, and increased sensitivity to light and sound. The excruciating pain that migraines bring can last for hours or even days.
What have I been having for weeks now? Migraines...of course. I at first thought maybe they were just headaches, but then I got more of the throbbing, light was bothering me, and then the nausea hit. When that happened, I knew they were more than headaches. Good news? I already have a neurologist. :) I called for an appointment, and he had a last minute cancellation two weeks ago. I went in that day. He prescribed me some preventative over the counter meds 2 x a day and another pill that I take at the onset of migraines and every 2 hours as they persist (but no more than 4 in one day). The results? I don't really think they're working. I know it's only been 2 weeks, but I've already been through 14 pills. I feel like they were probably supposed to subside by now. Maybe I'm wrong, though. One of the most bothersome things is, of course, teaching with a migraine. I'm sure there are a lot of jobs that are hard to do with a migraine, but working with little kids who don't really understand the pain (at least mine don't) is hard. The sun, the noise...it's all crazy.
Anyway, I apologize for those of you who are annoyed that this was so much complaining. To end my night in a more positive light: Things that I'm grateful for:
- The amazing friends that keep in touch with me even while I'm in Seattle? Big plus, the friends who make an effort to keep in touch with me besides just me reaching out to them.
- Getting in touch with long lost friends.
- Family members who love me.
- A wonderful, caring, patient husband
- people who believe in me no matter what
- I have a job in the area in which I studied.
- I have a wonderful apartment with beautiful views of mountains, Lake Washington, and the Space Needle (which is kind of ugly for the next 5 months or so because of that stupid galaxy orange decision).
- People who read my blog and leave comments encouraging me.
