This week, I don't even know what my number is. I haven't been logging my points on Weight Watchers since approximately April 29th. Why? I don't know. I think a part of it is my body catching up with the stress I have been dealing with emotionally. I was very pleasantly surprised when I continued to lose weight for such a long time, and I think maybe my body was just sick of pushing. That's so disappointing to me, though. While I CAN say, "It's my first year teaching, we moved across the country, I don't have friends or family here, etc." I really wanted to beat that and all of the stereotypes. I've tried a couple of Sundays to get back into the swing of things, but it just hasn't been catching on. My weaknesses? Chocolate milk, ruffles, chocolate, nuts, macaroni & cheese. There are a few other things that have been really odd about this period. If I eat fast food, my body doesn't like it, yet I still go back. I've thrown up almost every time after eating fast food in the last couple of weeks. Nothing has made my body feel good when the bad foods have gotten in my system. Another thing is that nothing else sounds good to me. I haven't packed my lunch for the last couple of weeks because nothing at home sounds good. Then I think I'll stop at Starbucks or a gas station to get something, and nothing else there sounds good, either. We go to the grocery store and nothing sounds good to buy for lunch packing. If nothing sounds good, how can I put so much food in my stomach?! It's crazy!
Speaking of how crazy everything is, I was talking to my lovely friend Jenn, and we were both just frustrated and in shock at how crazy America has gotten. Look up your BMI. Are you in the healthy range? Are you overweight? Obese? Morbidly obese? It all sneaks up on us so quickly!
I feel stupid for putting this out there, but I need to. I keep having this dream that maybe one day I'll lose all of this weight and become healthy. Just that - healthy. I won't become obsessed with nutrition and working out 24/7, but healthy. I will eat right. I will eat out a healthy amount. I will exercise a healthy amount. And maybe, just maybe, I will be able to help others. I want to show others that I have come a long way and they can do it, too. We can lose over 100 pounds. We can go from barely being able to walk or climb stairs to running and sprinting. It's just..so.hard.
But that's another reason I'm writing in here. Not only does it help me and help to put it past me, but maybe someday I will be in a healthy weight range and somebody else can look at me and say "I bet that was so simple"...I can direct them to this post and let them know how ashamed, disappointed, and disgusted with myself I have been for 2 weeks as I binge on unhealthy food and wondering when I'll get back on WW.
Anyway, as of tonight, I officially have 30 more days of teaching. That's school days, not including Memorial Day. My last day of work is June 26th. How am I surviving? That's just it...I'm surviving. I was quite involved in both high school and college. I had lots of positions, stress, drama, etc. First year of teaching? NOT.EVEN.COMPARABLE. That's all. Some days are hell and it's all I can do to breath. Other days I love it and can't get enough of the kids. Overall, though, I'm hoping next year is easier.
A migraine is a severe, painful headachethat is often preceded or accompanied by sensory warning signs such as flashes of light, blind spots, tingling in the arms and legs, nausea, vomiting, and increased sensitivity to light and sound. The excruciating pain that migraines bring can last for hours or even days.
What have I been having for weeks now? Migraines...of course. I at first thought maybe they were just headaches, but then I got more of the throbbing, light was bothering me, and then the nausea hit. When that happened, I knew they were more than headaches. Good news? I already have a neurologist. :) I called for an appointment, and he had a last minute cancellation two weeks ago. I went in that day. He prescribed me some preventative over the counter meds 2 x a day and another pill that I take at the onset of migraines and every 2 hours as they persist (but no more than 4 in one day). The results? I don't really think they're working. I know it's only been 2 weeks, but I've already been through 14 pills. I feel like they were probably supposed to subside by now. Maybe I'm wrong, though. One of the most bothersome things is, of course, teaching with a migraine. I'm sure there are a lot of jobs that are hard to do with a migraine, but working with little kids who don't really understand the pain (at least mine don't) is hard. The sun, the noise...it's all crazy.
Anyway, I apologize for those of you who are annoyed that this was so much complaining. To end my night in a more positive light: Things that I'm grateful for:
- The amazing friends that keep in touch with me even while I'm in Seattle? Big plus, the friends who make an effort to keep in touch with me besides just me reaching out to them.
- Getting in touch with long lost friends.
- Family members who love me.
- A wonderful, caring, patient husband
- people who believe in me no matter what
- I have a job in the area in which I studied.
- I have a wonderful apartment with beautiful views of mountains, Lake Washington, and the Space Needle (which is kind of ugly for the next 5 months or so because of that stupid galaxy orange decision).
- People who read my blog and leave comments encouraging me.
Big :) I know right now it may seem hard, but it will all be worth it in the end. It take a while to reach your goal, but the long term effects will be so much longer! I know you can do it. You have the drive and power inside you to do anything, and I know one day you will reach your goal. Even still, you are beautiful, strong, and big hearted. All things I admire about you. It takes a lot to post about this, and I admire you even more for having that strength. School wise, this year may be rough, but think about the next 36. They will only get easier because of all the hard work this year. If you didn't care so much or put the amount of effort you did in to it this year, you may not have made the differences in your student's lives that you did :) Life may seem tough at the moment, but the end results will always be worth the hard times :)
ReplyDelete<3 Love you
"Don't sidestep suffering. You have to go through it to get where you're going." - Katherine Anne Porter
DeleteI was flipping through a quote book this morning and when I read this one, Taylor mentioned that you might like it. In some ways, I hate this quote because they use the contraction "don't," which implies there is a choice to suffer. Sometimes suffering is an inevitable part of the journey one must make. What is important to remember is that this is a process, or a journey. Perhaps at this time you are on the part of the journey where the car breaks down and the maps gets blown away in the wind. And then it rains. Point is, what if this is the most suckiest part of your journey? Maybe the quote is saying that it's worth it :) I don't know... I'm not an expert. Sending some love-filled hugs and love your way.
Best friend, role model, sister, brother - you are such an incredibly strong, wonderfully passionate young woman. I am so proud of everything you do each day to make a positive change in your life and for those around you. Look at all of the positives, and use that as energy for all of the strength and the determination I know you have to keep pushing through the difficult times. Also, remember that starting something is sometimes the most difficult challenge. It doesn't matter how long it takes, but knowing that you've already made the world a better place by just being YOU and by your desire and accomplishments to make yourself even more amazing than you already are. Remember to always CELEBRATE your successes, no matter how small. Remember that everything happens for a reason, and that you're always learning, growing, and changing for the better. Remember that you've made so many lives brighter and happier by the things you teach us all. Anyone who meets you has been truly blessed by the knowledge you share, the passion you fuel, and the support you provide to help others grow and change for the better, too! Remember to take a few moments each day to celebrate the wonderful, smart, talented, BEAUTIFUL YOU and everything you do!
ReplyDeleteRemember this: no matter how stony the path, some forge to the front, and no matter how easy the going, some lag behind.
I love you :)
Katie, I think you're so awesome. Stay strong and be positive. I like to think that all the hard times we go through will have been totally worth it once we reach our goals. You are an incrdibly beautiful, and wonderful person. I'm so happy to have you as one of my best friends. I love you.
ReplyDeleteP.S. The whole nothing taste/sounds good thing sucks. I know.