10 Things You (Probably) Don't Know About Me

Credit for this idea? - Haley. :) Thanks, friend!

http://haleyhite.tumblr.com/post/30467459395/10-things-you-probably-dont-know-about-me 

1)  I often consider what it would be like in different careers.  This may sound pretty normal for a lot of people.  Sometimes I think it'd be fun to do something else like psychiatry or counseling.  I often think about being a nutritionist, but I have to take my own advice first.  I think it'd be fun to open a restaurant, too.  :)

2)  I am completely awful at video games.  I'm awful in numerous ways.  I cannot for the life of me figure out Lego video games.  I'm just so horrible at them.  They hubby refuses to play with me anymore.  When I play games like 007 and sometimes even Mario, I freak out about dying and scream, cover my eyes and my palms start sweating.  Crazy...but I still like it!

3)  I have a scar on my left butt cheek.  When I was younger, I climbed onto the counter to get a bowl from the cupboard.  Upon attempting to get down, I slipped and the cabinet handle that runs vertically nailed me in the bum. OUCH!  Worst part, my Little Mermaid underwear was ruined!

4)  I'm scared I won't be able to have kids one day.  It's a huge dream of mine (like many other people) to have kids one day.  A couple of years ago, I had a huge ovarian cyst removed.  It was laying across all of my stomach organs (PLEASE ask to see the picture.  It's so amazing, but kind of too graphic to just put on here).  Anyway, it was large enough that they had to remove 1 ovary.  I recently found another hard spot on my stomach, and I'm scared something else is wrong and they'll have to remove the other ovary.  Of course, there are countless other things that could go wrong, but it's just kind of scary to think about.

5)  I have a slight obsession with my Build A Bears.  Four years ago I got my first Build A Bear, Harvard, and I have been obsessed with him and Lafayette (who followed 2 months later).  They have tons of clothes, sleep with me every night, and it gets worse.  Anyway, they started helping me with my anxiety issues and kind of talking me through things, so they've definitely earned their place.  That's just how it is.  :)

6)  Water is extremely calming to me.  This also stems from my anxiety issues.  I was on the swim team in high school, and I believe my calmness came from swimming.  We used to do 1/2 hour swims a lot where we just tried to swim as many laps as possible in 30 minutes.  A lot of swimmers hated this.  Although I was a sprinter, these 30 minute swims were a calming reflection time to me.  When my anxiety got really bad, I realized that swimming still calmed me.  Since that wasn't always possible, I discovered that long showers also helped along with carrying a bottle of water with me everywhere just in case.  Win.  I also love rain and thunderstorms, but that could just be because they're so beautiful! (When not harmful).

7)  I love popcorn!  I get super excited about popcorn at the movies, baseball games, and anything in between.  I love popping it at home, and I pretty much consider it a food group.  

8)  I love traveling.  This one isn't as exciting, because I know a lot of people enjoy it.  While I would love to travel to different countries, I focus more on doable trips within closer distances.  These are more budget friendly at the time, so I actually get to complete them.  It was great living in Seattle, and I wish we would have had more time and money to visit places, but we will someday!  I love hotels alone, besides all the germs.  I love the experience and excitement of a new place, wherever it is.  Hocking Hills is next on the travel list, I believe.

9)  I hate family get togethers.  I love my family, and I love visiting with them, but not altogether.  For 1 side of the family, that can just lead to a ton of people in a few tiny rooms...Crazy anxiety...everyone yelling so loudly...it just gets too crazy.  The other aspect is that I feel sooo incompatible with all of my family members.  Everyone has a 1 (or 100) up on me whether it is looks, career, personality, or all of the above.  I feel like I don't have much to offer to the group, so I get very intimidated.

10)  I support Barack Obama.  Did I vote for him? No.  Will I vote for him this time?  (I'll keep you guessing on that one).  Is he our President?  YES.  Does that mean that he deserves our respect 100% from the day he steps into office?  YES.  I firmly believe that no matter who you vote for, you should always respect our President.  

Well, hopefully that was a little entertaining for you.  I'd love to see more people post things I don't know about you!!

This isn't easy.

Well it's been a rough 24 hours, but after finally talking to my mother, I feel strong enough to write about it.
Yesterday after work, Bob and I went to Ruby Tuesday.  I was really good and got salmon, broccoli and the salad bar (and did well on the tricky salad bar).  On the way home, Bob wanted to get some snack food for the night, so I also got some chips...and ate half the bag last night.  Fail.  I had the rest today.  I also had Panda Express for lunch and Marco's Pizza for dinner.  Obviously...not doing too great on that.
The thing is, it's not like I was insanely craving this food.  This eating, from the last 24 hours, was totally from emotion.  Bob says I often eat out of boredom, and that I don't usually see.  This time, I knew I was eating because I was sad and upset and frustrated.
It's a never ending circle.  I worked really hard this week and didn't miss a workout, but I had actually gained at least a pound as of my unofficial weigh-in.  When I have a bad weight, I just do worse.  The good ones spur me on.  I'm not letting this get the best of me, and I will turn it around right now...just have to get it all out there and admit it so I can move on.

The good news?
-I realize the eating was from being upset and sad.  It's not that I couldn't handle a craving.
-I started a workout today and did 20 minutes of it (before getting so upset that I stopped).  The point is, I worked out today.
-My bad eating has lasted 24 hours or less.  I've done A LOT worse.
-I have lots of healthy recipes to try out next week.

So here's to the failures that make me stronger and to having 2nd (or 324092nd) chances.

Haunting

It hasn't been too great of a day.  I woke up with a killer migraine..the kind that makes my head bob back and forth from the pain pulsing.  I decided a workout was out of the question as I couldn't move much, so I took medicine and went back to sleep for about 30 minutes.  The shower didn't help much, but off I went to work.  I took a half day off and came home, only stopping to get some soup, medicine and redbox picks.  My migraine is wearing off, but on comes that ridiculously haunting anxiety for some reason.  Why today?  What am I worried about?  I've been thinking about my job a lot lately.  Is it what I still want to do?  Who knows.  Who knows what I really want to do in life.  Is this it?  I don't know.  Is it better than having no job?  Yes.  I still feel fat.  Some days I think I feel skinnier...I think I look skinnier.  I wonder if I'll feel fat when I'm actually skinny.  If I hit my goal weight, will I still see the huge balloon when I look in the mirror?  I want to lay in the shower. I'm scared I can't handle that right now...the temptation.  Maybe with some help I can...maybe.  I need to workout.  I'll do that soon.  Maybe that will make me feel better.  I know it's supposed to.  This feeling sucks.  I'm an adult now, I'm supposed to be over this.  I think I need to see a doctor again.  I don't even like how the doctors deal with it.  They don't care...they don't care about me personally.  I think the husband cares, but he's probably so sick of dealing with it, too...just like he's sick of dealing with a lot of things I have going on.  hopefully happier thoughts later.

The Number & The New Rule

I lost 5.4 pounds this week.  Oh.My.Gosh.  I did not expect this at all!  I am on such a high right now!  I had to wake up Bob and share the news because...THIS IS HUGE!  I'm so incredibly proud of myself and the choices I made!  This is how the rest of my life is going to be!  Highlights of the week:

Saturday - did my first Slim in 6 and drank  my first Shakeology, because I was just too excited to try them.

Sunday - excitedly woke up to do Slim in 6 and drink Shakeology again

Monday - Had my first experience in FOREVER of waking up before work to work out.  Made the rest of my day go great. ALSO become full with the help of Shakeology...(Thank you for getting me through the day!)  Went out to dinner with Bob at an Italian restaurant...ordered fish and had some wine

Thursday - Long day at school because of volleyball practice afterward.  Still thankful for Shakeology

Friday - Went out to eat with Bob at Cheesecake Factory and implemented my no bread/no dessert rule for the first time

Saturday - Had one of the best times I've had all year with Jami, Jenn, Bob and a little bit of alcohol...I was worried this was going to push me over the edge with points, but I did pretty well.

Sunday - Weighed in at...

239.7 

Honestly, I thought I was easing myself into this!  I went out to eat twice (not including the 2 Subway visits), but I made smart choices, drank my Shakeology, and did my workouts!  Wow!  Amazing!

On another note - my no bread/no dessert rule.  As you know, I've cut pop and coffee out of my diet.  Occasionally I have pop when it's mixed with a drink at a restaurant, but generally I don't.  I want to keep pushing myself with new rules like this, but I can't stand having them too broad, like "no sweets".  Maybe that will happen someday, but that can include so many things that it's not clear enough for me.  

So, I decided that I won't eat the bread served before a meal OR any dessert when I go out to eat at a restaurant.  First trial - Cheesecake Factory.  I did so well with this rule!  The bread smelled divine, but Bob and I did a good job about talking about other things.  We had the waiter take the menus away and told him right away that we weren't going to be ordering dessert.  

I think it helped that I didn't question it.  I just knew going in that I wouldn't be eating bread or dessert.  Woot woot! 

Well I have to get going on my Sunday chores - cleaning up the apartment, laundry, etc. and enjoying my Slim in 6 and Shakeology!  

Thanks so much to all of you who read this, let me know you read it, comment, encourage me, etc.  It truly helps me each and every day! 

Much Love!

Falling in Love

Yep...I'm definitely falling in love with Shakeology.  Slim in 6?  It's becoming a good friend.  :)

Seriously.  I added 3 ice cubes to my Shakeology this morning, and it got EVEN BETTER!  Three ice cubes?!  Who would've thought it would make such a difference?!  The consistency changed so much for the better.  I got watermelon, pineapple, blueberries, blackberries & raspberries to try in it, too!  Woot woot!  I'm so pumped!  I was fully AGAIN today, which I believe is obviously an effect of the Shakeology.  <3

I did Slim in 6 this morning again, which makes 5 days in a row!  I'm so proud of myself!  It's a huge accomplishment for me!  The waking up early definitely isn't fun, especially on Wednesdays as I have an earlier meeting at work, so I have to wake up at 5:15.  :(  It's well worth it, though!  I keep flexing my muscles and making Bob feel them.  :)

While I realize I'm not supposed to weigh myself too often, I couldn't help myself.  I wanted to weigh myself tonight, and I decided I'd go ahead and do it, and if I hadn't lost weight, I'd be OK with it since I had a full outfit on, I'd eaten a lot, etc.  Well I lost 1 pound already!  That's with the water weight, food weight (or whatever), AND clothes!  I just can't believe how low "The Number" has gotten!!  I've gone from 275 pounds to (as of tonight) 244!!

I'm getting there, slowly but surely.  And quite honestly, if it wasn't slowly, it wouldn't be for good!

The strangest feeling & Baring my soul

Of all of my friends who I know read this blog, I don't know if any of you at all will be able to understand what I'm about to tell you.  I very, very rarely get full.  I don't feel full.  I can eat 1/2 a large pizza, 1/2 an order of breadsticks, and a dessert and still probably be able to stuff more food in.  It sucks.  It's part of how I got where I am today, but it's one of the feelings I acknowledge I have to overcome.  Life has been nicer now that Bob knows about this.  He knows that I will eat at a restaurant and need to eat again an hour later.

The time has come though, friends.  I have been full not once, not twice, but THREE times in the last 2 days.  THREE TIMES!  What the heck happened?!  It's absolutely amazing!  The feeling of not wanting, not "NEEDING" to eat.  It's amazing!  Do not take this for granted, my friends!  The amazing, wonderful, source of this fullness?!  SHAKEOLOGY!  I have loyally been having 1 shake a day, partly because I wanted to stick with it, partly because I already have about 2 months of shake already bought, and partly because I haven't even tried Chocolate yet.  Example 1 of being full (easily one of the top 10 moments of my life).  I was eating lunch today.  In case you're interested, I'm going to tell you about my sandwich, because it was amazing.  I don't remember the last time I had a sandwich on regular bread.  Sandwich thins all the way!  I'm a carb girl, but if it's not good bread, then sandwich thins are the boss.  So I took those sandwich thins and spread a little bit of laughing cow spreadable cheese on each bun (the flavor was Sundried tomato & basil in case you're interested).  I then put some turkey on it and some Fakon.  If you haven't tried Fakon, I love it.  It's microwaveable bacon that's not that high in points.  (Keep in mind I'm obviously still not eating the healthiest of meals that I strive for someday).  But I ate this sandwich and a handful of grapes.  I realized I had about 10 minutes left in lunch and I should eat something else.  I looked in my lunch for what I should eat next, and it hit me (this was the 3rd sensation in 2 days).  I was full again!  I didnt want any more food.  The thought of putting more food in my mouth made my stomach hurt.  It was amazing!  I wanted to dance to my next class! (But my ass still hurt from the workout this morning, so I couldn't dance up the stairs). So, my friends.  I'm not the biggest person on trying to sell things.  If I don't like it, I don't like it.  But for me to be full means that they must be doing SOMETHING right!

Anyway...I thought it was hard enough to reveal my actual weight on here, but now that that's over, it really wasn't that bad.  No, nobody came up to me on the street yelling out the horrifying number and ran away laughing.  So, I've survived.  In starting Slim in 6 and Shakeology, along with a challenge group from my wonderful Beachbody coach, Kayla, it's come time that I finally measure myself again.

Measuring...oh, how I loathe thee.  It's not so much that the inches bother me.  I mean, obviously they do, but the scale bothers me more.  It's because I could measure myself and then do it again 10 seconds later and have a completely different measurement.  I need to get tattoos of where the measurements were taken.  It's just kinda ridiculous, so even if it says I've lost inches, I never know whether to believe myself or not.  The simplest ways I've found to do this are to 1)  Have someone else (Bob) measure me.  2)  Measure without clothes (hence Bob measuring me).  Also, I measure the waist right over my fake, surgically operated into place belly button.  That at least helps the waist measurement.  He says he remembers the rest, but we'll see how that turns out in ~30 days.

Anyway...baring my soul.  For ...well, I don't really know the exact reason I'm putting these numbers on here.  I guess it makes it a lot easier to talk about things and get them in the open.  So...
Chest - 51.5"  (honestly, I'm OK with that one...I'll take 50 inches of boob any day.  Just kidding.  Take away the back fat, please).
Waist - 52"
Hips - 53"
R Upper thigh - 29"
L Upper thigh - 28.5"
R Arm - 15"
L Arm - 14.5"

Grand total - 243.5"  Awesome.  Bright side?  The only way (hopefully) is down.

So, if you're laughing, that's OK. If your jaw dropped, that's OK.  I'm glad it's in your own home and not in public in front of me. :)

If you're telling me I can do it...openly or secretly cheering me on, praying for me, wishing and hoping that I can do it, that's OK too.  I believe I can do it.  I've gotten off track since I officially decided to change my life in January, but I've never once given up and said that I just couldn't do it.  I may not be my goal weight for my friends wedding, but I will be healthier, and eventually I WILL be happy with this body that God has given me!

Much Love!

The Number, The Plan & The New Look

Well I think I'm finally getting all settled into the new place.  We still have a few boxes that need unpacked - mostly in the office.  The kitchen is all set up, as are the gaming systems in the living room, so hopefully my exercise and eating routines will be back to normal.  :)

I started doing Slim in 6 yesterday, and I feel amazing!  I did it yesterday and today right after I woke up, which is definitely a good idea for me.  If I hold off on it, I just have it looming the whole day.  There are definitely a few parts that are still challenging for me (i.e. push ups!!), but most of it pushes me just the right amount!  I have interesting flashbacks each time I try to do push ups as one of the first symptoms I had of MG was falling on my face/chest when doing push ups.  Man, did that hurt!  Rug burn on your chest is not very comfortable!





I do, however, looovvveee the resistance bands.  I could definitely do those for a long time!

I drank my first Shakeology on Friday, and I wasn't that thrilled.  I mixed water, ice & Shakeology and didn't like it much at all.  I had my second one yesterday, and I put  milk in instead of water and added a banana.  That was definitely an improvement.  I stopped at the store today and got almond milk and honey, so I'm going to try to mix things up a little more.  Wish me luck with that!

And finally, I weighed myself Thursday night.  I knew it was night, I'd eaten, and it would not be an accurate weight.  I did this on purpose so I could be forewarned if my weight had taken a turn for the worse.  However, I was still definitely under 250!  This was sooo reassuring!  My official Sunday weigh-in for today was 254.1!  Woot woot!  I'm definitely OK with that considering how unhealthy my diet was the past couple of weeks.  So here's to getting back on track!

Last, but not least, I went to a great hairdresser today - Darren from Jekyll & Hyde Salon.  O.M.G.  In love!  He's amazing and I'm totally happy with the results!  Here's a view of the newest cut & color!

Roadblock

Wow!  I don't even remember the last time I wrote in here!  That's sad! :(  A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks.  To sum it all up, I got a job interview while I was visiting Ohio, got offered the job the same day, and will not be going back to Seattle!  I cancelled my flight back, and Bob will finally be arriving in Ohio tomorrow to keep me company in our wonderful new apartment.  It's been about 2 weeks since we've seen each other (a friend's wedding), and over a month since we've lived together.  I realize now how much I took for granted just with being around him, hugging and kissing him goodbye each day, and having his body next to mine at night.  I can't wait to give him a huge hug and just hold him for a bit!  

While things have been so up in the air, I have been doing an absolutely horrible job with watching what I eat.  I just checked my Weight Watchers online, and I haven't logged a weigh-in in 5 weeks.  I have no clue how much I weigh since our scale is currently in transit to Ohio.  I fear that I will be back over 250 lbs., and I'm wondering if I should wait a little bit to weigh myself again so I don't get discouraged.  Curiosity will get the best of me, I think.  

Anyway, while I am not happy with myself for going off of my plan so badly, I am proud of myself for realizing that this is just a road block.  I've had them before, and I will have them again.  This IS a lifestyle change, but that also means it will take a lot of work to make permanent changes!  I spent a good amount of time tonight creating a grocery list for tomorrow to get me through the week.  My meals won't be that exciting this week, but hopefully I will make it through until next week  I don't have a  casserole dish, no tupperware for leftovers (only bags), no spices, none of my regular cooking items (flour, spices, bread crumbs, etc), as they are in transit as well.  I really don't want to buy more ingredients that might not be used quickly, so I'm going with some easier recipes this week.  

With school already being in session, I've already had to pack some lunches, and I'm doing my best to find some interesting ones.  I currently do not have much time to microwave lunches.  I will soon hopefully have a fridge and microwave in my room at school.  Until then, I've been doing a lot of tuna in bread pouches.  It's been delish, but I fear I'll get sick of the same thing over and over.  I'm getting ingredients for sandwiches this week such as spreadable laughing cow cheese, lettuce, bacon (FAKEon) and deli meat.  I'm hoping that will be enough to spice things up.  I've also been eating cinnamon applesauce (yum!) and yogurt for lunch.  I've been getting the greek yogurt that has M&Ms or Reeses Pieces to sprinkle in, but I have no clue how many points those are.  I might switch to something else tomorrow, but first I'll see if the candy yogurts are worth the points.  

Lunches are a different story since I'm at school...dinners haven't really been satisfying me, which has led me to want to get pre-made meals or eat out.  Not good for my belly OR my budget!  : /   My current shopping list is very much lacking anything for the dinner department except for frozen dinners, which hardly fill me up.  I do have a lot of healthy snack ideas, such as fruits and vegetables.  At the same time, those are all of the same fruits and vegetables I always eat...I'm running out of ideas!  

I believe this will be one of my biggest issues of this lifestyle changes - While I love having good staples (i.e. taco casserole!!), I routinely need new recipes to try out and mix in.  Pinterest has been absolutely amazing thus far, but I'm not finding new ideas nearly as much as I was before.  

On other news in this category, I ordered Slim in 6 and Shakeology quite a few weeks ago.  They were delivered to Seattle and are now in transit to Ohio.  I absolutely CANNOT wait until I finally get to try them out.  I especially think Shakeology will help me out as I currently usually have an unsatisfying granola bar for breakfast just because I know I need to have some type of breakfast.  

I also am trying to make sure I get plenty of fluids in.  Considering how much I've been going to the restroom lately, I know I've been doing well at this.  I've been drinking a lot of sparkling water and Crystal light.  I'm still in search of the perfect battle - keeps my drink cold, doesn't leak, and has measurements to help me track how much I drink, and is a good size for mixing Crystal Light single serves.  

Sooo...if anyone has any suggestions at all, they would be extremely appreciated!!!  Here's to getting back on track!!

Much Love!