Haunting

It hasn't been too great of a day.  I woke up with a killer migraine..the kind that makes my head bob back and forth from the pain pulsing.  I decided a workout was out of the question as I couldn't move much, so I took medicine and went back to sleep for about 30 minutes.  The shower didn't help much, but off I went to work.  I took a half day off and came home, only stopping to get some soup, medicine and redbox picks.  My migraine is wearing off, but on comes that ridiculously haunting anxiety for some reason.  Why today?  What am I worried about?  I've been thinking about my job a lot lately.  Is it what I still want to do?  Who knows.  Who knows what I really want to do in life.  Is this it?  I don't know.  Is it better than having no job?  Yes.  I still feel fat.  Some days I think I feel skinnier...I think I look skinnier.  I wonder if I'll feel fat when I'm actually skinny.  If I hit my goal weight, will I still see the huge balloon when I look in the mirror?  I want to lay in the shower. I'm scared I can't handle that right now...the temptation.  Maybe with some help I can...maybe.  I need to workout.  I'll do that soon.  Maybe that will make me feel better.  I know it's supposed to.  This feeling sucks.  I'm an adult now, I'm supposed to be over this.  I think I need to see a doctor again.  I don't even like how the doctors deal with it.  They don't care...they don't care about me personally.  I think the husband cares, but he's probably so sick of dealing with it, too...just like he's sick of dealing with a lot of things I have going on.  hopefully happier thoughts later.