This post is going to bring out a lot of thoughts that have been kept inside for quite some time now. I've been scared to talk about these things with most people, but I think it'll be better to get them out in the open. If you're reading this, please leave me some positive feedback. It's really hard for me to get this out there, but I think it'll help me in the long run (at least help me sleep, hopefully).
Jobs. Work. Career. Such small words that bring such stress! I spent 5 years in school changing my major 3 times to finally study what I realized I wanted to do - teach students with special needs. I'm grateful that at least I could have worse careers with worse luck in finding jobs. I'm grateful I have a degree at all, but this is still difficult. I have a great part time job at the bakery. I honestly couldn't ask for more. Great pay, pretty great hours, great coworkers, amazing supervisors...it's all there...except the kids...and the teaching...and the feeling of making a difference that I have strived toward for so long now.
So here's what I've been hiding. I've had 3 interviews now and applied to over 60 jobs. I had one interview at the beginning of the month with an elementary school. This was an emotional roller coaster for weeks as I have never heard anything back from them. I asked what the "timeline" was, and they told me some details, but never if I'd hear either way. I then learned to be more specific. I had another interview yesterday and was supposed to hear back today, but I haven't heard anything. I'm trying to keep my hopes up about this one. I also had a phone interview this morning for a daycare. It seems like a great position, but after some figuring I've realized that I could be worse off financially at this daycare than at the bakery! I LOVE the bakery, but I just have this passion to work with kids!
Why have I been hiding this? I feel like a failure. I'm a great teacher. I try not to boast and sound conceited, and I'm usually humble and/or hard on myself. But I'm being honest - I am a great, passionate teacher. I want what is best for my students, and I know I can make a difference. So applying to over 60 jobs - literally - and only hearing back from two can be heartbreaking. On the other hand (trying to stay positive) - at least I've heard back from these 2.
So if you've been praying for me or not, now you know the specifics of why. This and the financial burden it is putting on me has been a wreck. I haven't been sleeping since I can't get it out of my head, which doesn't help any other situation in the long run.
On the bright side...
1) We got our wedding pictures in the mail today! woot woot!
2) My favorite little "baguette girl" came in today while I was working. :)
3) I have a wonderful husband who loves me. :)
Katie--
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, welcome to the blogging world! I have been blogging for almost 2 years, not because I expect people to read it and I'll become some amazing writer, but because it's cathartic and makes me feel less like my head is going to explode with all of my thoughts and feelings.
It's so easy to get discouraged about not having a teaching job, trust me. I'm working part-time at a day care and subbing when I can pick it up, but it's so frustrating to not have a classroom that's all my own where I can teach English. I know I'm a good teacher who is passionate and caring, which makes it all the more aggravating that no one else will let me show them that. I know that feeling very well, and it can make things so much more bitter the more you think about it. Stay strong, and know that one day (hopefully soon!) someone will realize how incredible of a teacher you are and give you your dream job (or at least something that pays the bills lol). I love you sweetie, keep your chin up! I'll be saying prayers for you and Bob!
-Issa
Thanks, love! I actually saw your blogging on your dieting, and it's one of the things that made me realize blogging could help! :) I'm glad you understand. I agree - someone should just let us SHOW them! I don't know if you've read my most recent post, but I'm really hoping I can get this daycare position. I don't even know if IT will pay the bills as well as the bakery does, but I'd have children in my life! :) By the way, how do you find your sub jobs? Apparently my brother had a pretty cool website for Ohio sub jobs. Keep us updated on Opha, as well! Thanks for the prayers! <3 you!
ReplyDeleteI'm working part time as an after school daycare worker/substitute teacher at the Montessori School in Bowling Green that one of my sorority sisters helped me get. Usually for subbing, though, I would use Renhill Staffing. What side did your brother use--I'd love to check it out! We'll keep you updated on Opha and Army stuff---that usually is on my personal blog:
ReplyDeletehttp://mnarbaugh.blogspot.com
Hey Melissa! I just heard back from my brother, and he just used Renhill for subbing, as well, so I guess you already know about that! lol Good luck, though!
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