"Breathe (2 AM)"
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you'd only try turning around.
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.
Anyway, It really is 2 AM...well, 2:15 now, and I can't sleep. I took my sleeping pill around 8 last night, showered and such and was in bed by 9. I fell asleep shortly after that, and here I am up at 2 AM. With all the different medications, I don't know if things are conflicting with each other or if meds. aren't to blame. Maybe I really am just as stressed as some people think I am/should be and I can't sleep? I don't feel that stressed, though. Maybe it's still having an effect on my body. I think I mentioned the doctor told me they wanted me to take Ambien. Have you heard what Ambien can do to you? I have heard rumors, but not sure...let's google that...
"Severe allergic reactions (rash; hives; itching; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the hands, legs, mouth, face, lips, eyes, throat, or tongue; throat closing; unusual hoarseness); abnormal thinking; behavior changes; chest pain; confusion; decreased coordination; difficulty swallowing or breathing; fainting; fast or irregular heartbeat; hallucinations; memory problems (eg, memory loss); mental or mood changes (eg, aggression, agitation, anxiety); new or worsening depression; severe dizziness; shortness of breath; suicidal thoughts or actions; vision changes."
http://www.drugs.com/sfx/ambien-side-effects.html
Just to name a few! Ha! OK...hallucinations...scary. I think I've heard about people driving places and not remembering it on this drug. Also, anxiety?! I'm already dealing with that enough, and 'new or worsening depression'?! C'mon..I just got taken off my depression meds! OK...Let's hope they don't suggest Ambien again...now I'm scared! lol
Anyway, I also have a super crazy busy couple of days before surgery. Today is my last day of teaching. It starts out with choir practice in the morning before school (yay for helping out with choir), a pre-observatioin conference with my principal in my morning planning session, a formal observation during writing, and a library event at 6 at night. Besides the fact that sleep is messing with me, I'm not too worried about the day. Especially choir and the library. This will be my 3rd library event, and it's tons of fun to see the kids outside of school. I even e-mailed a bunch of parents to remind them, so I think the turnout might be even greater! :)
Friday I have a New Teacher Release Day. I'll be spending the majority of the day out at other schools observing with some of my other new teacher friends (yay!). We'll get done around 4, then I head to my psych. appt, then hang out time with Emma (bubble tea!)
Saturday I'm going to spend relaxing a little and making sure we have everything for the surgery because mom flies in Saturday night!!! Woohoo!!!! :) She's coming in first class, and I really hope (but highly doubt) she'll take advantage of that alcohol. ;)
Sunday & Monday are mom days full of the following (don't tell her! some are a surprise!): Farmer's market, church, downtown library, shopping, the Hunger Games in Imax (woohoo!), a forced trip to eat at the top of the Space Needle, a meal at the Queen Anne Cafe and maybe a few more things. During recovery I'm hoping she'll mount a shelf on the bathroom wall for me, then it will be filled with puzzles, Netflix, and making a recipe book and address book. So excited! :)
Library! :)
Anyway...another reason to breathe, just breathe?? Surgery...it's really hitting me. I watch too much TV. I see how they are not exactly gentle with your body! And they're putting cameras in me! How tiny can these cameras get?! I'm guessing pretty small (and hoping!). I don't know exactly where the incisions are going to be, so that's bothering me, and I'm freaking out about not ever waking up from the whole thing. I told Bob the other day what to do with all my possessions if I die. And also, try to resuscitate, OK? :) Thanks. (This is my living will via my gmail blog...gotta love it). But I just started taking note of all the good pre-op things....just got that soap (i'm sure it's going to smell wonderful) that I have to wash with, can't take any blood thinners (tylenol, etc) 5 days before surgery, 12 day fast before the surgery,etc. On a good note, I haven't fallen since about 1 1/2 weeks ago, which was the time I hit my head. I know I fell last time I couldn't sleep and had to stay up so long, though, so that's kind of in the back of my mind today. By the way, did you know that a lot of adults disapprove of Red Bull? lol...OK, I get it, but c'mon...I was working those midnight - 4AM shifts in college and living on Monster and Venom. (Hmm...interesting names) I had 2 red bulls last time I couldn't sleep...but I had another long day ahead of me that day...Oh well, I'm not blaming the red bull.
One more thought on my mind...Bob and I have been struggling to find a mesh between our church backgrounds, likes, beliefs, disbeliefs, etc., so here are the two latest we're (I'm) thinking of trying. Let me know of any input/please pray for our decision making:
I think we both want a church that is in Seattle, has a young adult crowd, I'm hoping for some chances to get involved with kids and VBS and such. Our biggest battle has been he's used to traditional and I'm used to contemporary...so we'll see where this leads us!
So here's the deal. I'm going to drink some water and try to sleep on the couch now. Please pray for me up to and through the surgery. I only hope some of the anxiety goes away and mom and I can enjoy some time together. :) (I know we will)
Much love!
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